Interruptions.
I'm in the middle of something - working, reading, talking - and someone comes to me with a question, a need, or a greeting of sorts. I try to quickly answer the question, meet the need, or respond to the greeting in a way that communicates that I don't really have time right now. After all, I'm in the middle of something important; I have work to do.
A couple of weeks ago our priest said that he talked to his spiritual director about interruptions - likely the frustration of them - and what the spiritual director told him took him by surprise. Many times what we see as interruptions are in fact, the real work that God's giving us to do. Unfortunately, so much of the time, we're too busy to see it.
So it was the Friday after Father Carl preached about interruptions when I had my computer and notes with me at the Starbucks in Thorton Park. Liana Joy was with Oma and I had a couple of hours to myself - ah! I was all set to work on an upcoming seminar for which I'm preparing. Perfect - a dessert in a cup (Pumpkin Spice Latte, Decaf with soy), an enjoyable atmosphere, and time to think. I had plans to get a lot of work done in those 2 hours. That should've been my clue that my plans were about to change.
I sat down with my drink, opened the lap top and turned it on. Nothing happened but a very tiny beep - no blue screen, and certainly no Windows to greet me. I called Stephan to find out what was up with the lap top. As it turned out, I brought the wrong lap top with me. The one I brought was dead - completely worthless, ready to be recycled. How would I get any work done without a computer? Ugh - this was certainly an interruption! At this point it dawned on me that God had another plan.
I "happened" to bring my Bible and journal with me that day. At that point I caught on to the new plan...follow the Rabbi and see where He leads. So, that's what I did. Where we went, I couldn't have planned. It was beautiful.
I didn't know where to start, what to read, what to write, so that's where I started. I opened to Isaiah because the last several chapters have been coming up a lot lately and I enjoy reading God's words of comfort and hope to His people. When I did that I stumbled upon a bookmark or something in my Bible that led me instead to Psalm 138:8 : "The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love O LORD, endures forever - do not abandon the works of Your hands." This spoke right to my heart because one of my main questions to God is, What about me? Do you have a plan for me? Do I really matter to You?
Paul knew that God had a plan for him that was good. Psalm 138:8 made me think of Paul's words: "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phillipians 1:6 Paul was confident in God's plan not only for his own life, but for all of those that he served. Did Paul wonder if what he was doing would make a difference in the long term? Did Paul know that his words would be written down and taught for millenia? Paul was convinced that God would fulfill His purposes for him and that God's love endures forever. Of course he was convinced, he had a drastic conversion experience. At that I began to think about my own conversion and life story - where I'd been and what I'd been brought through. The Holy Spirit began convincing my heart that God would not "abandon the works of His hands," and that He will indeed fulfill His purposes for me. He didn't bring me from the kingdom of darkness to His glorious kingdom of light to leave me where I am today. In fact, He brought me to Starbucks that day to interrupt my plan and give me a priceless gift.
As I reflected on my life I thought of how I've long questioned my significance, my identity. In highschool I was in a relationship in which I found my identity - I was this guy's. I belonged to someone. The LORD whispered to my heart, "Isn't that what you've always wanted, to belong to someone? To be somebody's?" Certainly this wasn't a question, but an unveiling of my heart's desire.
Since I had a difficult relationship in highschool and ensuing pain as a result, I've fought against finding my identity in someone else for so long. I'd rejected the thought that it was even possibly a good thing, muchless the very thing for which I was made. What the LORD showed me and continues to reveal is that my identity is found in relationship with Him: I am His daughter; herein lies my significance. I remembered years ago when I visited my dad at his office and people said, "Oh, this is Steve's daughter." I felt important because of whose I was. This is it - I am the LORD's daughter, the daughter of the KING of all creation, the daughter of the owner of the cattle on a thousand hills, the daughter of the only TRUE GOD, the daughter of the Father that gives up everything to be forever reunited with His beloved child.
At this point, I'm still in Starbucks, being loved on by my Father, when all of a sudden Matthew 13:44 came to mind: "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." I hadn't thought of this verse in a long time. Back in 1995 when I was a new believer, this verse was THE verse that I clung to when I left Florida and moved to North Carolina. I left all I "owned" to go after the treasure in the field (Jesus.)
I almost fell out of my chair with what happened next. The LORD said to my heart that I am the treasure in the field and He is the man that sold all he had to buy the field. I am overcome as I write it even now. How could this be? Is it theologically correct? I can't take all that love in. I don't know what to do with that kind of love. So, He said, "Just imagine...what if that is the truth?" So, I imagined, and my soul knew. Yes, it's the truth that seems too good to be true, yet is the truest thing of all. His love - His unfailing, never-stopping, unashamed, unabashed, unreserved, all out love for me is the truest thing of all. I wanted to get up and preach right there in Starbucks - or at least tell the guy with the iPod playing in his ears - that God, THE God of all the universe loves you. I'm still not sure if I disobeyed the Holy Spirit that day - if I should have gotten up and told everyone around me that God loves them; but I didn't. I didn't want to interrupt the people (and I didn't want to risk being the fool if God wasn't asking me to).
Funny - interruptions...God loves me, so He interrupted me and gave me a gift that still overwhelms my soul.
Interruptions - they are the real work. I'm sure He will give me other opportunities to interrupt people with a message of His love - and I look forward to it! In the meantime, I will daily set my heart on following the Rabbi wherever He leads.
"Oh, how He loves you, oh, how He loves me. Oh, how He loves you and me."
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
I'd like to eat my cake, too!
Why do we expect from our children what we don’t require of ourselves?
Let me explain.
Recently a friend said that at some point kids need to learn to soothe themselves, or they’ll never learn to do it. I agree. However, at what point and how they learn this are quite controversial among parents and critical to the well-being of the child. For example, do you let a newborn cry himself to sleep because he’s been up every hour for the past 5 hours over the last 2 weeks and you’re exhausted? Do you rock a 3 year old to sleep and let her sleep in your bed even though she might be working you over? Are there definitive answers to these questions? Well, as parents we all have to come to answers for ourselves. My desire is that parents will come to truly educated answers rather than those that simply work best for them. After all, the first line of the job description of being a parent wouldn’t say anything about having one’s cake and eating it, too. For what’s best for me right now would seem to be a couple of months of uninterrupted sleep – a good 8-9 hours a night sounds just right. However, in order to get this I would have to do something that would be detrimental for my daughter – leave her alone at night when she awakes and let her deal with her emotions by herself, leave her with family or friends…I’m sure there are other options. Yet none of them allow me to “have my cake and it eat too”…do what’s best for me and what’s best for my daughter at the same time. As a parent I am asked to give more than I ever thought was possible to give. I recently read in the book Playful Parenting by Dr. Cohen that children cannot just soothe themselves, that in fact leaving a child to "cry it out" is a misinformed decision. This is because a child must receive so much comfort and nurturing that he or she has internalized the comfort and has the resources to draw on them when mommy or daddy isn’t present. Honestly, I haven't internalized comfort THAT much, and my friends who are honest haven't either! So, to ask a little baby who doesn’t know the concept of object permanence to comfort itself is asking that baby to grow up and not be a baby. So, why do we expect our children to grow up when apparently we have not “grown up”?
Here are some examples that come to mind.
Comfort and soothe yourself.
How many adults do you know that can actually soothe themselves without the help of something or someone else? Don’t all of us turn to something – food, T.V., a book, God, a friend, something more than a blankie or a stuffed animal? In fact, those adults that we do know that comfort themselves all the time and don’t reach out to friends are seen as having a neurosis.
Keep a strict schedule.
We ask our little ones to eat, play, and sleep at the same times every day (supposedly this schedule is based on the child’s schedule, but I don’t know of too many children that actually do the same things at the same times every day).
Say please, thank you, and share your toys.
Now I know we need to teach our children manners. I teach my daughter to say please and thank you; I’m working on teaching her to share. I’m aware however that as adults we don’t often follow these same rules. Why is that?
Sleep in your own bed by yourself.
I like my space. We have a king size bed and I don’t like to cuddle at night; I prefer to stretch out. I think I could actually take up a whole king size bed by myself (and I’m not that big). Yet I still take comfort in knowing that my husband is just an arm’s length away if I need him. Yet we put little children by themselves in their own rooms.
Oh, and you should be sleeping through the night by now.
As much as I would like for my daughter and any future children to sleep through the night at a very young age so that I could get some sleep, I know it’s not a realistic expectation. After all, many nights I get up to go to the bathroom or turn over or fix the covers and have a hard time falling back asleep. If my husband wasn’t sleep deprived too, I’d ask him to rub my head or back until I could fall asleep again. So, why would I expect a child to sleep for 9-12 hours without waking up and needing something from me?
Take a bottle; you don't need to nurse anymore. You're going to be too dependent.
Really? Too dependent? Most folks that live in this country are not too dependent. Even though some may look it, I would say that it's because they've never been allowed to be truly dependent and grown up into autonomy that they are fiercly independent or neurotically dependent as adults. Our culture celebrates independence like it's salvation...yet our salvation requires exactly the opposite...fierce dependence...it's the little children that Jesus didn't chastise, but welcomed with open arms.
I don’t think that other parts of the world have these same expectations for children. Perhaps it’s because they don’t have the luxury of having more than one room to sleep in or even one bed to sleep on. Most of the world lives and works with children at their feet, grandparents and cousins, aunts and uncles sharing the job of raising children. So much of the world lives in a collectivistic culture unlike our individualistic culture. I wonder if it’s our culture that breeds these expectations of children. No culture is perfect; not theirs or ours, but we do have a lot to learn from the rest of the “underdeveloped world.” (What a misnomer.)
I wonder what it will be like one day in the new Heavens and the new Earth when all of our needs are met and we share and give generously and joyously. I wonder what it will be like when, as children of God, our Father Himself wipes away every tear from our eyes and we are at last comforted and rest fully in our dependence on Him.
Let me explain.
Recently a friend said that at some point kids need to learn to soothe themselves, or they’ll never learn to do it. I agree. However, at what point and how they learn this are quite controversial among parents and critical to the well-being of the child. For example, do you let a newborn cry himself to sleep because he’s been up every hour for the past 5 hours over the last 2 weeks and you’re exhausted? Do you rock a 3 year old to sleep and let her sleep in your bed even though she might be working you over? Are there definitive answers to these questions? Well, as parents we all have to come to answers for ourselves. My desire is that parents will come to truly educated answers rather than those that simply work best for them. After all, the first line of the job description of being a parent wouldn’t say anything about having one’s cake and eating it, too. For what’s best for me right now would seem to be a couple of months of uninterrupted sleep – a good 8-9 hours a night sounds just right. However, in order to get this I would have to do something that would be detrimental for my daughter – leave her alone at night when she awakes and let her deal with her emotions by herself, leave her with family or friends…I’m sure there are other options. Yet none of them allow me to “have my cake and it eat too”…do what’s best for me and what’s best for my daughter at the same time. As a parent I am asked to give more than I ever thought was possible to give. I recently read in the book Playful Parenting by Dr. Cohen that children cannot just soothe themselves, that in fact leaving a child to "cry it out" is a misinformed decision. This is because a child must receive so much comfort and nurturing that he or she has internalized the comfort and has the resources to draw on them when mommy or daddy isn’t present. Honestly, I haven't internalized comfort THAT much, and my friends who are honest haven't either! So, to ask a little baby who doesn’t know the concept of object permanence to comfort itself is asking that baby to grow up and not be a baby. So, why do we expect our children to grow up when apparently we have not “grown up”?
Here are some examples that come to mind.
Comfort and soothe yourself.
How many adults do you know that can actually soothe themselves without the help of something or someone else? Don’t all of us turn to something – food, T.V., a book, God, a friend, something more than a blankie or a stuffed animal? In fact, those adults that we do know that comfort themselves all the time and don’t reach out to friends are seen as having a neurosis.
Keep a strict schedule.
We ask our little ones to eat, play, and sleep at the same times every day (supposedly this schedule is based on the child’s schedule, but I don’t know of too many children that actually do the same things at the same times every day).
Say please, thank you, and share your toys.
Now I know we need to teach our children manners. I teach my daughter to say please and thank you; I’m working on teaching her to share. I’m aware however that as adults we don’t often follow these same rules. Why is that?
Sleep in your own bed by yourself.
I like my space. We have a king size bed and I don’t like to cuddle at night; I prefer to stretch out. I think I could actually take up a whole king size bed by myself (and I’m not that big). Yet I still take comfort in knowing that my husband is just an arm’s length away if I need him. Yet we put little children by themselves in their own rooms.
Oh, and you should be sleeping through the night by now.
As much as I would like for my daughter and any future children to sleep through the night at a very young age so that I could get some sleep, I know it’s not a realistic expectation. After all, many nights I get up to go to the bathroom or turn over or fix the covers and have a hard time falling back asleep. If my husband wasn’t sleep deprived too, I’d ask him to rub my head or back until I could fall asleep again. So, why would I expect a child to sleep for 9-12 hours without waking up and needing something from me?
Take a bottle; you don't need to nurse anymore. You're going to be too dependent.
Really? Too dependent? Most folks that live in this country are not too dependent. Even though some may look it, I would say that it's because they've never been allowed to be truly dependent and grown up into autonomy that they are fiercly independent or neurotically dependent as adults. Our culture celebrates independence like it's salvation...yet our salvation requires exactly the opposite...fierce dependence...it's the little children that Jesus didn't chastise, but welcomed with open arms.
I don’t think that other parts of the world have these same expectations for children. Perhaps it’s because they don’t have the luxury of having more than one room to sleep in or even one bed to sleep on. Most of the world lives and works with children at their feet, grandparents and cousins, aunts and uncles sharing the job of raising children. So much of the world lives in a collectivistic culture unlike our individualistic culture. I wonder if it’s our culture that breeds these expectations of children. No culture is perfect; not theirs or ours, but we do have a lot to learn from the rest of the “underdeveloped world.” (What a misnomer.)
I wonder what it will be like one day in the new Heavens and the new Earth when all of our needs are met and we share and give generously and joyously. I wonder what it will be like when, as children of God, our Father Himself wipes away every tear from our eyes and we are at last comforted and rest fully in our dependence on Him.
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