Lately I've noticed big birds - namely crows - being chased by smaller birds - mockingbirds, sparrows, etc. The smaller birds are trying to recover something that the crows have. It seems that the sparrows are chasing the crows with all their might, trying to get back food or another treasured item that was stolen by the crows. This reminds me of humanity - the powerful stealing from the powerless or less fortunate because they can, making life easier for themselves all the while creating chaos and pain for the victim. I don't want to be one of the black birds, nor do I want to be one of the sparrows. But it seems that we're destined to be one or the other. Perhaps we can choose to be the exploiter of riches, the powerful "lording it over" those "beneath us." But do we have a choice when we are the exploited? I mean is there a way we can change our circumstances so that we are not subject to anyone save Christ? I really don't know; I'm just pondering. My initial inclination is that we can certainly choose to be or not to be the exploiter, but that we find ourselves as the exploited more often than not - even though we're fairly "well off" in our current lifestyles. Hmmm...however, we are continually the exploiters without even knowing it - our society seems to be set up on a system of silent exploitation - in this way we are both the exploited and the exploiter at the same time! Afterall, how much of our clothes, household items, and other material goods are made on the backs of those who are paid less than it costs for one gallon of gas, our food produced or picked by workers who are lucky to have a safe place to live, and the fuel that runs this computer and most of our electricity obtained by utterly destroying mountain tops, entire ecosystems, and creating serious health problems for the people who live in those areas? If you're wondering about any of these things, feel free to check out some websites on fair trade, mountain top removal, migrant workers. Some good sites are http://www.sojo.net/, restoringeden.org, christiansforthemountains.org, google migrant workers living conditions & see what comes up! May the Lord be merciful to us and show us a different way.
Well, that's all I've got for now...I desperately need a nap...hopefully I can catch a little snooze while my little one is still snoozing! Peace.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Weeds
I was just out in the yard picking up dead pieces of branches that I cut back a while ago and had yet to take to the compost pile. Along the way I was side tracked by these very tall weeds. Several of them had grown so much that they came up to my belly (which is sticking out beautifully at this point!). I bent down to the root to pull them up and found that these big, attention getting weeds pulled up easily - roots and all. Then I thought of the day before when I was pulling up some other weeds that grow very close to the ground, and don't attract a whole lot of attention until you try to pull them up. Through battling these weeds I've found that even with the tightest grip at their base I can wind up pulling off just the tops and leave the roots firmly in the ground. Out comes the hand rake - now I'll get up the little buggers! So I go for it - digging for the roots. What I find is disturbing - the roots are thin closer to the part of the weed that grows on top of the ground, but as I dig deeper, I find a larger, bulb-like root that is much more difficult to remove. If that part stays in the ground, more weeds will appear -just give it time to grow. Not to mention that these weeds don't need optimum soil to grow in - they'll even take up residence in good ole Florida sand (you know, the grey and black grainy stuff that nothing you want to grow actually grows in - not to be confused with the whitish, clean sand at our lovely beaches...which soon might be polluted by oil...but I'll save that for another blog). So back to the roots I go, digging, pulling, and voila! I pull up that root only to find that it's connected to another weed a foot away...the roots are connected and this weed system has infiltrated my flower bed...um, rather weed bed...(which at the current moment is a blank canvas waiting for some new Florida native plants and flowers - yay!) In order to eliminate these weeds, I have to get the whole root system; if not, it will appear that they're all gone for some time until - POP - up comes another one.
So, do I really care that much about weeds or is there something else of which these weeds remind me? Why yes, in fact, these ordinary weeds remind me of my life. Those tall, flashy weeds are the places of sin and brokenness in my life that are easy to spot, look impressive in an ugly sort of way, and can attract lots of attention. But these weeds - this sin and brokenness - is easy to eradicate through confession, repentance and healing because the roots come up easily. They seem like big issues, but in actuality, they can distract me from the deeper, more serious issues - like the weeds whose roots are connected in an underground system. These places of sin and brokenness - my continual independence and rebellion against my Maker, the mistrust in the goodness of His heart, the selfishness that is so easy to mask with other labels, pride and self-righteousness (just to name a few) - are much more difficult to eradicate completely. Somedays it's as if the weeds are gone (okay, not completely, but at moments the garden of my heart is looking spring-like), but the reality is that although some of the weeds have been pulled up completely, there are still strongholds of roots that permeate my heart's garden. Like the old Caedmon's Call song says, "the same old struggles that plagued me then are plaguing me still." Yes, indeed, some of those age-old struggles of being a human, and those sinful ways of relating to God, myself, others, and the rest of His creation that are particular to me are plaguing me still. And I don't want to settle for a garden or flowerbed that merely looks weedless, I want the Holy Spirit to continually move aside the brush and stir up the soil to expose the weeds and roots that plague me still.
So, come Loving Gardener and prune away all that does not bring life. Come True Vine and let me find life only in You. Come Holy Spirit pour out Your life-giving water on my thirsty soul. Amen.
So, do I really care that much about weeds or is there something else of which these weeds remind me? Why yes, in fact, these ordinary weeds remind me of my life. Those tall, flashy weeds are the places of sin and brokenness in my life that are easy to spot, look impressive in an ugly sort of way, and can attract lots of attention. But these weeds - this sin and brokenness - is easy to eradicate through confession, repentance and healing because the roots come up easily. They seem like big issues, but in actuality, they can distract me from the deeper, more serious issues - like the weeds whose roots are connected in an underground system. These places of sin and brokenness - my continual independence and rebellion against my Maker, the mistrust in the goodness of His heart, the selfishness that is so easy to mask with other labels, pride and self-righteousness (just to name a few) - are much more difficult to eradicate completely. Somedays it's as if the weeds are gone (okay, not completely, but at moments the garden of my heart is looking spring-like), but the reality is that although some of the weeds have been pulled up completely, there are still strongholds of roots that permeate my heart's garden. Like the old Caedmon's Call song says, "the same old struggles that plagued me then are plaguing me still." Yes, indeed, some of those age-old struggles of being a human, and those sinful ways of relating to God, myself, others, and the rest of His creation that are particular to me are plaguing me still. And I don't want to settle for a garden or flowerbed that merely looks weedless, I want the Holy Spirit to continually move aside the brush and stir up the soil to expose the weeds and roots that plague me still.
So, come Loving Gardener and prune away all that does not bring life. Come True Vine and let me find life only in You. Come Holy Spirit pour out Your life-giving water on my thirsty soul. Amen.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tension
Today I'm feeling discouraged. I'm trying to hold in tension the truths that I know, with the circumstances around me. I suppose this is what it means to walk by faith; but I'm not there - yet. My tendency is to try to do things "right" - namely so they'll work out - and work out the way I think they should. This - trying to be the "good girl" - is my sin and my brokenness. I still have so far to go in trusting that my Heavenly Father truly has my good on His heart all the time - at the same time that He holds His intimate love for all of His children - whew - glad I don't have His job :) But if I'm honest with my feelings and my perspective today (which is in large part what I have), I feel defeated.
The short version (well it's likely not going to be that short) of the story is that we need more money so we can get out of debt. Our debts aren't due to flashy vacations or flat screen TVs (BTW - I'm not opposed to either of those); they're from grad school. Mind you, grad school where we got degrees that neither of us use. So, of course I can go down the road of questioning if God really led me/us there; if so, why? It seems that a few years of individual therapy and lots of healing prayer would have accomplished the same things and been cheaper; and heck, we've had more than a few years of therapy in addition to the degrees! If either of us were practicing therapists, the debt would seem reasonable, feasible, etc. Since we're not and we've both sensed that practicing therapy is not part of our futures, the debt feels even more like a noose around my neck or an unwelcome continual reminder of something I don't enjoy.
Now I know that we both use our counseling skills everyday and that God used that graduate program to change us and heal us. But that's how I talk myself out of my feelings - my present reality; I rationalize, intellectualize, minimize, deny...the list goes on.
I wonder if the Israelites did those things, or did they just give God how they felt, the low-down on what the situation looked like from their perspectives, and that their reality at times just flat out sucked. Because I have the tension of having God's word and my feelings and viewpoint. In this day and age, we get to look back and see how it all turned out for the Israelites and God's people throughout time. Yes, this is supposed to be encouraging, but is it supposed to nullify my current experience? I don't think the latter is what God intended. Afterall, people who always see how it worked out well, miss God (and themselves) in the process. To make matters worse, it didn't always turn out well for God's people. Jesus still went to the cross, Abraham and Sarah still had to wait an inordinate amount of time after God promised them a child, David screwed up and left a less than pure legacy. I do take great comfort in many of David's and the other Psalmists' words...particularly HOW LONG O LORD?
I think about this for my dear friends who have been struggling with unexplained infertility. On paper they are picture perfect reproductive specimens; in current reality they have yet to conceive even after much healing from the Lord. Meanwhile, I'm pregnant with our 2nd baby and so is another dear friend of this couple - both of us pregnant without "trying." I could intellectualize this away because we are God's children and He's blessing us (but does this then mean He's not blessing my friends? This line of thinking fails and falls short of living in the reality of this world...God gives the rain to the righteous and the wicked...so no amount of doing it right is going to get us God's blessings - ugh! I am slow to learn this.)...for there are loads of people who get pregnant every day that are less than deserving, ready to be parents, desiring of children, etc. So, as I often find myself, I'm back at Psalm 73: "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me...When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you."
I confess that once again I try to understand and I end up embittered. Have mercy on me Most Merciful Father. Lift up the eyes of my heart to You that I would see You and find refuge in Your loving arms.
The Psalm doesn't end there and neither does my story - or yours.
It ends like this:
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."
How long did it take the Psalmist to get there? I don't know. Did he let himself stew in his feelings and his limited viewpoint? It seems so. But His "never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love" lifted the Psalmist out of the miry clay and brought Him into his Abba's lap. And so He does for me. I suppose this is how I hold the tension of my feelings, my viewpoint, and the truth of God and His word - I hold it in my little, feeble hands as He holds me in His strong, loving, tender, able hands of grace and mercy.
So, I'm back to some of the first true words I ever learned:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
PS- Thanks to Sally Lloyd-Jones', The Storybook Bible, for her wonderful depiction of God's love.
The short version (well it's likely not going to be that short) of the story is that we need more money so we can get out of debt. Our debts aren't due to flashy vacations or flat screen TVs (BTW - I'm not opposed to either of those); they're from grad school. Mind you, grad school where we got degrees that neither of us use. So, of course I can go down the road of questioning if God really led me/us there; if so, why? It seems that a few years of individual therapy and lots of healing prayer would have accomplished the same things and been cheaper; and heck, we've had more than a few years of therapy in addition to the degrees! If either of us were practicing therapists, the debt would seem reasonable, feasible, etc. Since we're not and we've both sensed that practicing therapy is not part of our futures, the debt feels even more like a noose around my neck or an unwelcome continual reminder of something I don't enjoy.
Now I know that we both use our counseling skills everyday and that God used that graduate program to change us and heal us. But that's how I talk myself out of my feelings - my present reality; I rationalize, intellectualize, minimize, deny...the list goes on.
I wonder if the Israelites did those things, or did they just give God how they felt, the low-down on what the situation looked like from their perspectives, and that their reality at times just flat out sucked. Because I have the tension of having God's word and my feelings and viewpoint. In this day and age, we get to look back and see how it all turned out for the Israelites and God's people throughout time. Yes, this is supposed to be encouraging, but is it supposed to nullify my current experience? I don't think the latter is what God intended. Afterall, people who always see how it worked out well, miss God (and themselves) in the process. To make matters worse, it didn't always turn out well for God's people. Jesus still went to the cross, Abraham and Sarah still had to wait an inordinate amount of time after God promised them a child, David screwed up and left a less than pure legacy. I do take great comfort in many of David's and the other Psalmists' words...particularly HOW LONG O LORD?
I think about this for my dear friends who have been struggling with unexplained infertility. On paper they are picture perfect reproductive specimens; in current reality they have yet to conceive even after much healing from the Lord. Meanwhile, I'm pregnant with our 2nd baby and so is another dear friend of this couple - both of us pregnant without "trying." I could intellectualize this away because we are God's children and He's blessing us (but does this then mean He's not blessing my friends? This line of thinking fails and falls short of living in the reality of this world...God gives the rain to the righteous and the wicked...so no amount of doing it right is going to get us God's blessings - ugh! I am slow to learn this.)...for there are loads of people who get pregnant every day that are less than deserving, ready to be parents, desiring of children, etc. So, as I often find myself, I'm back at Psalm 73: "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me...When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you."
I confess that once again I try to understand and I end up embittered. Have mercy on me Most Merciful Father. Lift up the eyes of my heart to You that I would see You and find refuge in Your loving arms.
The Psalm doesn't end there and neither does my story - or yours.
It ends like this:
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."
How long did it take the Psalmist to get there? I don't know. Did he let himself stew in his feelings and his limited viewpoint? It seems so. But His "never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love" lifted the Psalmist out of the miry clay and brought Him into his Abba's lap. And so He does for me. I suppose this is how I hold the tension of my feelings, my viewpoint, and the truth of God and His word - I hold it in my little, feeble hands as He holds me in His strong, loving, tender, able hands of grace and mercy.
So, I'm back to some of the first true words I ever learned:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
PS- Thanks to Sally Lloyd-Jones', The Storybook Bible, for her wonderful depiction of God's love.
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